I grew up with kids my age across the street, around the corner and a few blocks in a variety of directions. I was never at a loss for friends to play with, but with very few of them did I share my deepest and darkest.

The first days of college are dark for anyone going to school without a tag-along buddy. My first days in Boston were spent with the people in my class and on my floor. While I had a lot of fun with the Boys of 5E, I’m only in touch with one of the people I spent an inordinate amount of time with that year.

As anyone gets older, their actions reflect the history they’ve created for themselves. If you spent time focused on one thing, it’s likely that that’s how you will be judged and your relationships will showcase just that. I didn’t focus on anything in particular and as a result, my relationships were as varied as one could imagine.

I would have imagined that being later in life these relationships would last, but there is an absolute power in time and distance. One moment you’re wondering whether to share seeing a friend’s paramour with another man, the next you’re making sure to be the first one on the floor at a wedding reception…luckily to someone much better than the former.

The better way to judge friends isn’t by time put in, but what is the output. What did you get and gather and feel from time spent with them? I easily get caught up with how the friends were acquired, placing people into categories accordingly.

A person you eat lunch with and talk to at work is a box that only expands if the location changes. Neighbors and other associates can be tested in a similar light. When the lights are dim and drinks are poured, are you sharing actual information or just playing verbal tennis to pass the time?

There was a time when I would say I had no friends, but I hold a strict criteria to allow usage of that term. And relatives don’t count since they’re almost obligated and obliged to be your friend, especially if you see them more than once a year.

Friendship is a thing that I take for granted with some, that I cherish with others. Sadly, I expect more from my friends than I usually have provided and that is extremely selfish of me. I can only apologize for this abuse and ask for forgiveness, something to be proven by altered actions over a course of time.

I’m trying to be better. While I may seem to be an open person, there are very few that I’ve allowed into my personal circle and even less that I trust enough to share what’s really happening and my thoughts on it.

And yes, I realize that this blog is nothing but me sharing my thoughts and feelings about stuff. But would you believe that I don’t share everything? That I keep some things private? That I’m happy to have a few people I can turn to when times are tough and know they’ll do their best to come through for me. It’s a beautiful thing that many don’t realize they have until it’s needed or it’s too late, so that I’ve been able to find it with a blessing and that’s the truth.