The thoughts of a middle school-aged old boy are already flying in all directions with the advent of nature. Nature, which allows the boy’s opposite a head start with the maturation process; one hidden both to the boy and from the public eye. A process some boys are barely able to finish…

Any gatherings of boys, whether created via natural home-grown means or manufactured by sports, comics, wrestling and other interests, is a time when their personalities are showcased and shaped, both by himself and the crowd he runs with, this augmented presentation serving as the lone way for the boy to emote.

Sometimes the boy will stay, in some form or fashion, in that same form for longer than necessary, unable to grow past that point. Many do eventually move on, some faster than others, but those that do don’t lose or forget what was once there.

Those thoughts, stored on files in the depths of the male mind and memory, are the same ones that served as punctuation to phrases used to continue random conversations; honest ideas mixed with fictional thoughts masquerading as potential actions.

While this all sounds technical, it’s as simple as picturing the lies between friends told in sexual jest about the popular girl in school, the girl that thinks you’re cute, the girl who sits in the front of the class, the girl that smells like jasmine, the girl you’ve had a crush on since 3rd grade, the girl that talks a lot, the girl sitting next to me, the girl two seats up on the bus, the girl in the hall whose arm I glanced into while walking down the hall…

Those are the lies that are now coming true and to live in that moment is surreal.

The boy spoke of things he could never know, not until he was well past that age and even then, these are things he’s still unlikely ever to experience without agreeing to some questionable choices, unthinkable to many who still have those thoughts. But the boy’s ignorance is on display since his laughable lack of knowledge is only assisted by some form of pornography, likely the legal version since it doesn’t take much at that age. Hence, 1980s comedian’s jokes about hiding with the Sears catalog and the popularity of Victoria’s Secret at the end of the 20th century, their books mailed to homes for free with various female bodies barely clothed.

It was too much to ask any growing boy.

I ask you to think about the confidence it takes to slap someone. The level of either trust or power to do it more than once is noteworthy, especially since the concept of trust and notion of appropriate power is something that the middle school boy would have no idea about. It wouldn’t be anything that would ever enter his mind.

Unless, of course, it had happened to him first. If he had been on the receiving end, would he be more ready to strike?

Yes, the male is the more violent of the two and a lack of maturity with power is a frightening combination. But eight times out of ten, at that age he is still a Momma’s boy, feels hitting someone else to be wrong and hopefully has enough sense to never do it.

Unless it’s asked for.

Unless there’s a positive physical action to it, one felt as loudly as it is seen and heard. Unless gripping and biting for both traction and reaction breeds just that. Unless movement and limbs suddenly lock into place and position perfect for such actions.

It is as if the mental composition books of the past were brought forth from those depths to be inspected, opened wide as their secrets scurry in shyness with the illumination of the light of the present. Inspections and testing taking place over extended sweaty sessions, allowing multiple theories and phrases to be attempted in one sitting, squatting or standing.

That was also a large part of the lie, one told with absolutely no possible knowledge of the who and what required or involved, reliant entirely upon whatever format his sex education was handled.

Some received hands-on experience at a very young age or learned at the feet of an older, but that didn’t stop the many others with nothing but their lack of knowledge to declare how they did all the things you could possibly think of and a few more because, being a boy, I have little to no concept of anything but the central believe that I know everything.

Everything I know in the moment tells me I get to live out some of those declarations and enjoy it.

And for that, I am thankful.